Matt
by Lovely.ExOh
Summary: Simply titled. Story about Matt's struggle to get over Kris. One shot. Enjoy.


A/N: This is a story about Matt

**A/N: This is a story about Matt. I know, it may seem a little off because I'm not really a fan of Matt, so I might not get his character as on spot as I'd like to. It is mostly about he is really trying to get over Kris, but he just can't. This song is called I Stay In Love by Mariah Carey. It's from her new album, EMC2**

_Oh baby  
Baby, I stay in love with you _

He wanted to forget her. He wanted to get rid of her from his mind forever. He didn't want to think about her every spare moment he had, he didn't want to see her smile on everyone he saw. He didn't want to be reminded of the way her body felt flush against his.

Matt ran a hand through his hair, messing it up. He knew it was hopeless, he knew it was Junior, it had always been Junior. He walked past the room that Kris had been using since she got back, and he caught a whiff of her smell, the smell that drove him crazy. He couldn't wait until she came back, maybe he would tell her how he really felt about her. Matt laughed out loud at the thought. He wouldn't do that, he knew he wouldn't.

He knew she was Junior's. She always would be.__

Dying inside cause I can't stand it  
Make or break up  
Can't take this madness  
We don't even really know why  
All I know is baby  
I try and try so hard  
To keep our love alive 

"Matt, I don't think she's coming back." His mother said quietly, putting a hand on his shoulder. He had been sitting on the deck railing for hours now, waiting for her to pull up and come into the house to get ready for dinner. He shrugged off his mother's and continued to stare out at the darkened path of his driveway.

"I known she is. She has to. What about the Dirty Dozen?" he reasoned with a worried glance at his mother. He looked at the field where several of the dirty dozen were spending the night. He clasped his hands together tightly, his knuckles going white.

"Matt, I _know _she isn't coming back." His mother sighed heavily, and he felt his heart break. He knew it was true, he didn't want to believe it. He turned to his mother, angry.

"She _has _to come back. She just has to. I love her mom." He whispered, and his mother nodded, a weak smile on her face. He knew she was only trying to make him feel better, but he had to admit, he didn't feel better at all.__

If you don't' know me at this point  
Then I highly doubt you ever will  
I really need you to give me  
That unconditional love I used to feel  
It's no mistaking  
We're just erasing  
From our hearts and minds 

It was days later that he saw her pulling into the driveway. Junior's arm slung around her shoulders, and even though he'd prepared himself for it, his heart still broke. He felt it crack and splinter inside his chest. He felt his knees go weak at the sight of her, like they always did.

He wondered when this would stop. When it would stop hurting to see her with him. He wondered if his knees would just stop going weak whenever he saw her smile. He wondered what it would be like to love someone like this, and have them love him back just as fully and unconditionally. He wondered when her smile would stop meaning the world to him. When he would really feel like her friend, and not his past lover.__

And I know we said let go  
But I kept on hanging on  
Inside I know it's over  
You're really gone  
It's killing me  
Cause there ain't nothing  
That I can do  
Baby, I stay in love with you 

They were living together, and it just hurt him more to think that they were sleeping in the same bed. Sleeping with each other. The thought made him want to throw up. She had come over for dinner. They were washing the dishes when the call came in. His mother was in the hospital, she was in the intensive care unit. She was in a coma. When he told Kris, the plate slipped from between her fingers, shattering on the floor.

They had rushed to the hospital, their hands connected in a white knuckle grip. He wasn't sure if she was even aware of where her hand was, what it was doing to him. It was building his hopes up. It was things like this that made him positive that she was made for him. He wondered if she felt the way her hand went perfectly in his. He wondered if this was how she felt when Junior was around, a million butterflies fluttering around in her stomach, her mind racing at a million miles an hour, her heart so full he was sure it was going to burst.

She looked over at him and gave him a reassuring smile, and he was sure he was reading too far into it, but he was positive he saw something else in her smile, under the layers of reassurance, the folds of worry, he was sure it was love. He was sure he had seen it in there, however fleeting it was. Or maybe he was just building himself up for another heart break.__

And I keep on telling myself  
That you'll come back around  
And I try to front like "Oh well"  
Each time you let me down  
See I can't get over you now  
No matter what I do  
But baby, baby  
I stay in love with you

He thought it was only a matter of time until she came back to him. He didn't care that the act of her coming back to him was as likely as the world ending tomorrow. He knew deep down that she felt what he did. He knew she was in love with him, and he knew she knew it too, not matter how much she denied it.

"I'm still in love with you Kris." He whispered to her on the way home from the hospital. She stared at him, her mouth open, her eyes wide.

"Matt…" she began, but her words faded into nothingness. She stared at me in surprise, and I wasn't sure if it was the good kind, or the bad kind.

"You don't have to say anything." He started, his eyes stuck to the road ahead. "I just want you to know that I love you, more than a friend should. I know I can't have you, I know that we can never be now, but I just want you to know what you do to me, what you mean to me." He concluded, and he finally dared a glance at her. She was staring out her window, tears streaming from her eyes. That's when I knew I had done something wrong.__

Na na na na na na na na na  
Na na na na na na na na na  
Na na na na na na na na na  
Baby, I stay in love with you  


She stopped coming around to the house when my mom came back from the hospital. He knew it was because of what he had said, but why should he have to hold it in? Why should he lie to himself, to her, about how he felt? It wouldn't ever stop hurting, he knew that. But he prayed to god that the ache in his heart would stop. He prayed to god that the feeling of wanting to kill his best friend whenever he saw him.

He didn't even care about if he got the girl at this point anymore. He just wanted to stop the feeling that he was going to throw up when he saw them kiss, to stop. He would do anything to get over her, he would do anything.

_  
It cuts so deep  
It hurts down to my soul  
My friends tell me  
I ain't the same no more  
We still need each other  
When we stumble and fall  
How we gon' act  
Like what we had  
Ain't nothin' at all now_

He was on a ride with Junior when it happened. He blurted it out. He hadn't meant to say anything about it, but he couldn't help himself.

"I still love Kris." He said, turning to his best friend. Junior didn't look shocked or threatened, or even scared about what this may have meant.

"So?" he asked, pushing the horse so that it went just a little faster.

"It means, it means I don't want you guys dating." He said carefully.

Junior's head whipped around to look at him, a wild fire in his eyes. Matt knew he said something wrong. But it was true. You didn't date your friend's exes. The thought struck him in the gut like a bag of horse feed. Hadn't he done this exact think to Junior just last year? Hadn't Junior been feeling like crap for the longest time because Kris wouldn't take him back, then he just came in and took her, even thought Junior's heart was still broken over what hat happened.

"She came back to Raintree, she didn't come back to you." Junior snarled, and Matt couldn't help himself. He launched himself at his now former best friend, sending them both cascading into the ravine. It was symbolic in a way, the water washing away what they used to be, friends, brothers.__

Hey, what I wanna do is  
Ride shotgun next to you  
With the top down like we used to  
Hit the block  
Proud in the SUV  
We both know our heart is breaking  
Can we learn from our mistakes  
I can't last one moment alone  
Now go I know

The way she looked at him, all the world shining in her eyes, if possible, broke his heart even more. The white dress she was wearing hugged her curves perfectly, the lace that was slung around her neck made him jealous. He wanted to touch her there, he wanted his fingers to be caressing the delicate skin of her neck. Her smile was so wide it amazed him. He was sure her face was going to split down the middle.

He was angry, he had to admit. She knew he loved her, Junior knew he loved her, yet here he was, at their wedding. He was a glutton for punishment apparently. He could help but wish, even now as she walked down the isle at her wedding to Junior, that she would come to her senses. She would realize that Junior was not right for her at all. He knew he was lying to himself, he knew it wouldn't happen. But a guy can wish, couldn't he?__

We said let go  
But I kept on hanging on  
Inside I know it's over  
You're really gone  
It's killing me  
Cause there ain't nothing  
That I can do  
Baby, I stay in love with you 

She was finally at the end of the isle. I smiled at her, supporting something I hated. I wanted nothing more than to punch Junior Davis in the face right there, but he didn't. Instead, he watched her mouth form her vows, her lips moving earnestly with the words. He heard Junior's voice form the words I do.

He faintly heard Junior whispering the same vows, his mouth forming the words he wanted to say to her. He watched her smile up at him, and he knew it was over. He knew it was never going to be him. Her mouth tested the words I do, rolling the small sentence around in her mouth the way a child might test the way a candy tasted.

That's when he realizes, he has forgotten the way she tasted.__

And I keep on telling myself  
That you'll come back around  
And I try to front like "Oh well"  
Each time you let me down  
See I can't get over you  
Now no matter what I do  
Baby, baby  
I stay in love with you 

It has been a while. He sees them everywhere. He sees them leaving the store, hand in hand, sharing a drink at a restaurant. Kissing on the dance floor at the club. The thing is, it doesn't hurt like it used to. He still feels it, a stinging feeling in the region of his heart, but it isn't that tremendous feeling of being overwhelmed with pain like it used to. He can deal with it. He wants to remember everything still though. He doesn't want to forget yet.

He wants to remember the way she felt under him that first night they came together. He wants to remember the way she used to smile at him when she thought she loved him. He wants to remember the feel of her lips on his, the taste of her skin. But the memories, the tastes, the smells, everything is starting to fade, and he isn't sure if this is a good thing, forgetting, or if it's a bad thing, losing all hope.__

We said let go  
But I kept on hanging on  
Inside I know it's over  
You're really gone  
It's killing me  
Cause there ain't nothing  
That I can do  
Baby, I stay in love with you 

He thinks he is finally over her. He thinks that the apocalypse of losing her has finally faded. He still loves her, he always will. He has concluded this. He is sure that he will never be in love with someone like her again. He knows that she was his one true, but she was also Junior's one true, which makes things confusing.

How can someone be two people's true love? How is that possible? He wonders if it would have been easier if he had never met her. He would understand the double true love thing if one of them never met her. He wonders what life would be like if she had never come to Raintree. He wonders if the torture he felt for years would never have happened, or would it have been someone else?

No, it was always her. There was never going to be anyone else like her, he would admit that, but what he didn't want to admit, that there was going to be someone else.

_  
And I keep on telling myself  
That you'll come back around  
And I try to front like "Oh well"  
Each time you let me down  
See I can't get over you  
Now no matter what I do  
But baby, baby  
I stay in love with you _

He had found her. The girl that got him over her. He would still think about Kris, in passing, and during those times, his heart would pang with something. It wasn't sadness anymore, or the pain of love lost, but more a pain regret. A memory of what could have been. He had met her at the club when he was out at the club having one of his drink fests. He was drunk out of his mind, but she still saw him. She still came up to him, and she talked to him.

They met up later that week, a date he didn't remember he made, but he went anyway. It was one of the best decisions he had ever made. After a little while, he realized that he never thought about Kris anymore, and he finally made the decision that it was a good thing. He was healing, he was letting go.__

I stay in love  
Love  
Oh, I stay in love.

It had been so long, it didn't even hurt anymore. When he thought about her, there wasn't pain, there wasn't regret, there was just a thought about a girl he used to love. He is at his own wedding now. He is standing at the end of the isle, waiting for his fiancé to walk down it. When he sees her, his breath catches in this throat.

The thing is, he can't help but picture Kris walking toward him instead of his fiancé. Is this what it would feel like? To have her walk toward him? In this moment, he couldn't help but wonder, what it would be like to be married to her.

That's when the pain started again.


End file.
